My Un-Imagined Life: How I Became a Practitioner of the Healing Arts
My journey began because I was in deep emotional and psychological pain. My life seemed like an endless stream of fear, guilt and shame. It was a dark abyss that was hopeless and meaningless. The world appeared to me to be a dark, unkind and unforgiving place. All I wanted to do was hide or disappear entirely. Life was an on-going, never-ending agony and I longed for an escape.
It was a long process of inner healing that began with seeing that the true cause of my suffering was within me. The key to being freed from the pain and agony existed, not in the world but within my ability to surrender false thoughts, ideas, and beliefs of my mind to a Higher Power.
When I started my journey, I did not consider it a ‘spiritual journey’. I did not really believe in God or a Higher Power. I held more of a scientific viewpoint of the world. I respected what I could see and touch and verify. So, I wasn’t in search of God or Enlightenment. I was in search of relief from terrible internal suffering.
But it turned out that the only way to free myself from this suffering was through Divine Grace. I personally felt and experienced a Power working through my life to lead me, not out of the abyss, but through it to the other side. Through this personal experience I learned how real healing occurred and what was required of me for it to happen.
Although, it would seem to make sense that once I saw this, I would want to share it with others and help others gain the same freedom. That was not my experience. Even though the dark cloud had lifted, I felt ill-equipped to manage a life. My life up to that point had been about survival. It was a well-crafted life to protect me from the world. I did not know how to engage with it or navigate it. When I prayed for guidance on what to do, my guidance replied, “You will live an un-imagined life.”
So when I started to feel like my Divine guidance was asking me to go into the business of helping others to heal, that was overwhelming and terrifying. I did not know how that would be possible. It felt ridiculous and I had a lot of ‘Who am I to be doing this?’ moments. But I agreed to do it anyway. Mostly, because I didn’t see any other options.
As I began to do the work, I would feel my guidance showing me what to do. I would be in astonishment as I would see people begin to touch upon and work through and release the same false thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that had once plagued me.
The work grew through the years. I would be given different approaches and techniques to use. Some would come to me as I was working with a client. Some came to me in my dreams. I was not taught by other healers of the world. I was taught directly by Divine guidance. But I would be struck by how many of these techniques appeared in the teachings of other types of healing. I would find that other healers were using them or that there were strong similarities. This comforted me that what I was receiving was more than my imagination!
I felt like my journey to do this work was one where I went kicking and screaming. There were so many points on the way that I would say to my guidance, “You have got to be kidding me!” Times that I felt like doing this work made me seem crazy or ridiculous. One of the worst moments was when the technique of toning started. I was doing energy work with a client that I had been working with for some time. I began to feel this overwhelming sense that I wanted to sing out a tone or a musical note. Now you should know that my experience up to that point was that I could not sing. I thought that I was tone deaf. The idea of just starting to sing in front of a client felt humiliating. Especially, since this client had studied to be an operatic singer!
But by this time in my process, I knew better than to refuse so I let the tone come through. We were both astonished. The note was clear and pure and sounded like an angel singing. The client felt this energy go directly to some point within her that needed this energy. It was clear I was just the vessel for this Grace to flow through.
My journey has not been an easy one. It has asked much more of me than I ever thought possible. But it has been an amazing, healing, transformative journey. Every client has been a gift to me. I do not see myself as being someone who heals others. I see myself being in the service of that which Heals all of us.
I am so very grateful for the opportunity to serve.